


i kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

by Anonymous



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex is an idiot, Idiots in Love, M/M, kyle is pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-10-28 23:29:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20786849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Kyle and Alex try to make things right between them after a drunk hook up.





	1. kyle got this

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for all the nice comments and kudos on previous fics, sorry for any mistakes, it’s not beta’ed.  
Tips and feedbacks are always appreciated, I hope you like it! :)

Okay, Kyle got this. There was absolutely no reason to be nervous. It was just another weekly “how to bring Max back” meeting at the crashdown. Everything was fine.

Except not really.

It had nothing to do with the meeting itself though. They all had updates about their tasks, nothing too promising but still it was something; and every time they had something Liz’s face went from heartbroken to hopeful, for Kyle that’s the only thing that mattered in that mess Max put them in.

His problem with going to the crashdown that morning started and ended with Alex Manes. More specifically with the fact that he couldn’t function around him anymore.

Over the last 5 months they’ve been working together non-stop trying to decode all the data they got from Caulfield, and they were making progress —incredibly slow progress, since whenever they were able to crack something, it made very little sense without the context of the other documents that were, of course, still coded and out of order, but it was still an advance— so things were good. Great, even. They bonded over this damn unwanted legacy and fall back into the easy trusting relationship they had when they were kids.

Until two weeks ago.

It was kind of hard for him to remember every detail of that night, but some things were clear: they went out for beers after a failed attempt to work at the bunker, both men too tired to concentrate on anything longer than 5 minutes, and, without planning it, they got trashed. After spending an embarrassing amount of time drinking while complaining and laughing about their tragic lives, they headed outside to get a cab. They were leaning into each other for balance, closer than either of them ever let themselves be before, and when Kyle felt the warmth of the airman’s body pressed against his he acted purely on desire and kissed him.

It was _immediately_ hungry. He pressed his mouth on Alex’s and kissed him like he’d been starving for it; full of tongue and teeth, pulling him closer by his jacket and letting his hands travel by the other man’s body, exploring every inch of him. He put his right leg between his, trying to bring some relief for both of them, but stopped as soon as he heard a whimper coming from the soldier because he realized then he pretty much attacked Alex; so he leaned back a little and waited while the airman opened his eyes lazily.They were both breathing heavily, trying to catch their breath, and soon Alex's gaze drifted from his eyes to his mouth a couple of times, like he was still processing what happened, but it didn’t take long before the man smirked; bringing him back in by the neck to close the distance between them completely.

The memories following that were a bit foggy, but the flashes were enough to make his sore ass and blissful feeling the next morning understandable. It lasted a total of 30 seconds, the happy feeling, because soon he noticed Alex had sneaked out and left him before he woke up. And after calling him a couple of times without any answer he understood the rejection.

Still, Kyle tried to bring it up later; he wanted to talk and figure out what it meant for them —he knew what he wanted from the soldier, _for them_— but Alex had some kind of 6th sense for emotional conversations and fled before the doctor could even get a word out. Every single time.

So they never talked about it and that was the origin of his problem that morning. That little reunion at the crashdown before dawn was just another opportunity for Kyle be a mess around Alex. He couldn’t help himself, it was actually ridiculous, every time they were in the same room together all his thoughts were redirected at everything Alex-related; his smooth voice, strong hands, large shoulders, unmade stubble, the little scar on his forehead… Kyle’s brain could barely work.

He made a fool out of himself constantly: he spaced out during conversations, dropped papers, stuttered in the middle of explanations and, much for Liz’s dismay, spilled drinks all over the place. His friends started to notice these patterns but they had to courtesy not to mock him much, and when they did he used the same excuse: “_I have two jobs now, the official one where people die if I make a mistake and the unofficial one where aliens have the same fate. I’m lacking sleep, leave me alone._” And they did. Mostly.

Liz on the other hand, didn’t believe him. That is why it wasn’t really a surprise when she stopped him as soon as he walked out of his car to enter the crashdown and asked; “I just finished cleaning inside, you’re not drinking anything, are you?”

He scoffed and showed his hands with an unimpressed look; “Nope, I’ll pick some coffee on my way to work”.

She was already in her uniform, since she was going to open the diner as soon as the meeting was over, which is why he found extremely hard to take her seriously when she asked; “Are you finally going to tell me why you’ve been the clumsiest person on earth lately or I’ll have to figure it out myself?” with an exasperated face, hands on her waist and shaking antenas on her head.

“Sorry to disappoint, Nancy Drew, but there’s nothing to say.” he answered, laughing at her disapproving look; “I’m just distracted lately.”

She narrowed her eyes and hummed, clearly still not buying it and ready to press when a very annoyed voice coming from the door prevented her from saying anything; “Hurry up, ex lovers” Isobel yelled, “Or we’re starting without you!” and immediately got inside.

Kyle happily accepted that out and walked to follow the blond, he reassured his friend one more time on the way; “It’s nothing, okay? I’ll behave today, I promise. I won’t speak, or move, or breathe in there, I’ll let Alex do all the talking and will just hear everyone’s updates, alright?” He said, hoping his voice didn't crack as much as he thought it did when he mentioned the airman.

Of course he didn’t have such luck and the scientist’s face turned into something he couldn’t really translate, a mix between confusion and a little clearity maybe, she spoke with a soft voice; “You know you can talk to me, right? About anything. I appreciate so much how you’ve been there for me since I got back in town, you know that, but please don’t forget that I’ve got your back too. Whenever you need.” she tilted her head and stared at his eyes, “You’re important too.”

He knew deep down he should take her on that offer and unload a few things off his mind to help him go through... well, everything. Every aspect of his life was a mess because he couldn’t cope with the fact that he was in love with his best friend and the man was breaking his heart; so yeah, talking might have helped. Still, at the end of the day the only person he wanted to talk to was avoiding him completely.

The doctor looked at Liz for a beat and felt a little lighter; just for realizing that after everything that happened and was still happening, he wasn’t alone. He went over her, hugged her brevely on the side and whispered “I know” softly in her temple, kissing the spot quickly. Together, they went inside for the meeting.

Funnily enough, Kyle was able to do exactly what he promised Liz. He didn’t say, drop, break or spill anything and just listened: Michael managed to heal Maria’s broken finger without passing out that week; Isobel played with the electricity in her house for so long all her light bulbs broke, Jenna was still trying to track down Jesse Mane’s new whereabouts, Alex decoded a new set of files —without any help from the doctor... whatever— they talked about the alien’s capacity to control the energy flow on people’s body through the handprint and, at last, Liz discussed her failed serum that was supposed to give the aliens a power bust.

Kyle sat patiently and waited until everyone had finished before he got up and left.

He didn’t look at the airman once.

He was miserable the whole time.


	2. alex was freaking out

Alex was freaking out. Not the _“I’m having a panic attack”_ kind but definitely something close to the _“I’ll drown myself in liquor at this party”_ kind.

All members of the pod squad and the human team were wearing fancy clothes and drinking expensive cocktails because the hospital Kyle works decided to celebrate something to do with a new wing, or a renovation of an old one, or a new acquisition, but honestly, who cares? Alex certainly didn’t. Not when Kyle was walking around looking like a damn snack!

The doctor was on a navy suit that fit him perfectly, with a long well made beard and a wicked smile he was charming his way through the crowd; making small talks with all his colleagues and laughing loudly at their -probably- bad jokes. No one could really blame Alex for being incapable of keeping his eyes off him but one could at least expect he kept his ability to think properly. He didn’t. And the open bar was not helping.

It had been six weeks since _that night_ and until then the airman did a pretty good job at avoiding the “I’m straight/we’re better off as friends” conversation. The way Kyle was acting a while back—totally weirded out and on the edge around him— made Alex afraid of any dialogue with the man. He didn’t want things to be (more) awkward between them after what happened, so he avoided the subject and hoped that soon they would go back to normal and not make a big deal out of it.

Except now Alex was ready to crawl out of his skin because every time his friend looked back at him from across the room he felt hot all over. And apparently he wasn’t being that discreet either since people started to comment about it;

“Are you looking for someone?” Liz asked with a soft voice and blinking eyelashes, trying to look innocent but missing the mark by far. He kept wondering if Kyle told her about them or if she figured it out herself, but there was no denying she knew something. She was constantly creating scenarios where both men had to be close to each other — lunches at the crashdown and drink nights at the Pony were getting ridiculous at this point, and those reunions for Max were out of control—, the woman had the subtlety of a hand grenade and, apparently, was incapable of taking a hint too because even though she managed to make them sit closely, they didn't talk nor looked at each other for more than seconds.

Alex knew her question was a trap but his body was ⅓ alcohol at that point so it failed him completely; he answered her with a loud “No!” that got the attention of the rest of the group and drawl a couple of worried glances. He cleared his throat before trying again, a little less urgently; “No, I was just looking for a waiter, I need a refill.”

Isobel’s gaze fell on him and she smirked, seeming to sense his despair; “Are you okay there, Manes? Or are you planning on drinking the entire bar?”

Okay, Alex was seriously questioning his friendship choices.

“No Evans. I’m good.” he replied, glaring at the woman strongly and only getting a laugh in return. Normally Isobel’s empathic powers didn’t work on him because he made sure to keep his walls up every time they were together; the woman had no filter whatsoever and was constantly adventuring in his, as she described, _'chaotic mind’_ when she was bored. They became really close friends in the fallout of Noah’s death; Alex helped her feel safe in her own skin with self defense classes and she got him to go out and have fun after a period of keeping his distance from everyone. He loved her, he did, but he liked to keep his private thoughts private.

Expeccially that evening. He was drunk and pining and beyond turned on and he really didn’t want to know what the blond thought about his endless thirst and struggle to keep it together.

He was about to come up with an excuse and leave, tired of all the whispering and being the focus of everyone’s concerned gaze, when he caught Kyle’s eyes again, but this time the man nodded to the bathroom and went there by walking backwards, with a cocky smirk, probably knowing Alex was in no condition not to follow. He didn't think twice before going after him with a rushed "I'll be right back" to the others over his shoulder.

The doctor wasted no time: as soon as Alex walked through the door he was backed up against a stall and being kissed stupid. The airman grabbed desperately to Kyle's hair when the man cupped his jaw and licked inside his mouth fiercely, pressing his body closer, always closer, until there was almost no space between them. It was pathetic, really, how little it took for his body respond to the situation but when Kyle pressed their crotches together and rolled his hips against his, showing how much he was affected by this too, he couldn't hold back a moan. Alex trailed down kisses from the side of his mouth to his neck, teeth scraping lightly once in a while with the intention of marking every inch of him, and Kyle whimpered his name over and over, clinging to him like he was afraid of the soldier disappearing. They were so wrapped up in each other that when the door of the bathroom busted open, filling the place with music and laughter, they froze completely, seeming to have forgotten that the world outside of them excited.

They stood still, hearing the source of the interruption talking about crappy food and lousy conversations while washing their hands. Kyle tried to untangle himself, possibly to try to see if the men were making a move to leave, but Alex kept him out of sight with a firm hand on his neck and a finger in his mouth urging him to stay quiet. They hold each other's gaze for a while, switching glancing between their eyes and their mouths a couple of times, and when the doctor exhaled brokenly in his hand, nodding to show he was going to stay still, the soldier had to bite his lip in order to keep himself from whimpering.

Soon, the men were walking out the door and they were collapsing in each other. A beat later and they were laughing silently in each other's neck, the adrenaline leaving their bodies as the fear of getting caught toned down. Kyle backed away a little and they stared at each other, sharing a relieved breath with easy smiles on their faces; he tilted his head and asked softly; “Now we’re talking about this, right?”

Alex felt his smile decrease rapidly, and with no warning whatsoever the panic of hearing the wrong thing returned. Kyle must have sensed his mood change because he dropped his head on the airman's shoulder, pressing his forehead hard while murmuring with a weary voice; "You've got to be kidding me."

He tried to untwine them a little, just so Alex's brain could function properly, but his friend's grip only got stronger with every attempt of freeing himself; "Kyle, I don't think—"

"Stop. You can’t keep doing this to me." the man interrupted him, withdrawing completely from Alex's space and leaving him cold with the completely lack of touch; "Usually I’m all for a no strings attached kind of thing but not like this. Not with you. You can’t shut me down for weeks after what happened, like it meant nothing, like you _felt_ nothing, and still look at me like you’ve been doing all night. You can't have it both ways.”

His brain slowly understood what those words meant but apparently the rest of him was still in shock, he was unmoving and silent for most likely too long because the doctor spoke again with an with an exasperated tone; “You plan on answering me at some point, yes?”

That attitude was enough to break Alex from his trance, he walked out of the stall rolling his eyes “Okay, give me a second.”

Kyle followed him with a worried expression "Alex—"

“I just don't want to have this conversation next to a toilet, Valenti, I’m not going anywhere.”

"Oh. Okay then."

Alex held his gaze when he pressed his back against the sink, hands on both sides of his hip to help him relieve the pressure on his leg after standing for too long. He gathered his courage while looking at his friend's hopeful eyes.

“I didn’t know you felt this way about me…" he started, voice just above a whisper, "After we hooked up I thought you were acting weird because you regretted it."

Kyle just stared at him disbelieving, and when it became clear he wasn't going to say anything the airman pushed through:

“I’m in love with you." he stated, sincerely, "I-I’ve been in love with you for a while now, I think. Honestly, I didn’t analyze it too much because, like I said, I thought you didn’t want anything with me. And I was scared shitless, obviously, since I've been burned pretty bad in the past for a very long time because of how I felt." he was rambling, he knew it, he couldn't stop; "But with you... You’re good, and you're kind, and you're thoughtful. You keep the stock of junk food at the bunker full because you know I can't concentrate when I'm hungry. You adapted your bathroom after the 3th night I crashed in your apartment in case I wanted to take a shower. You go the cabin after your shifts to play with Bailey when you know I’m having a long day at the base. You cook because you know I can’t. You keep a spare pair of crutches in you car in case I need them. You... " he trailed off when he heard the doctor exhaling softly, taking a small step forward. Biting his lip nervously, he only continued because of the encouraging nod he received from Kyle; "You make me feel like I can _finally_ stop hurting. I’m sorry I was too scared to miss this feeling that I failed at letting you talk about yours.”

They were quiet for a while, absorbing the soldier's declaration, staring at each other with something that looked a lot like love. Finally, Kyle broke the silence with a chocked laugh and a voice filled with emotion; “You’re a fucking idiot.”

Fondness creeped in his heart and he arched his eyebrows, smiling at the man in front of him; “Remember those social skills you’re always bragging about? You’re welcome to use th—”

He was interrupted by the doctor's lips, and he couldn't really complain about that, could he? Alex felt Kyle stroking his face with his fingers, drawing patterns on his skin sweetly while they kissed, and he responded just as gently with every touch, until they were both grinning so much it became impossible to keep their mouths together. He waited a beat, heart thudding rapidly as he exhaled deeply, keeping his forehead pressed against Kyle's until the man looked at him and murmured; "I love you, Alex Manes. Every oblivious and annoying part of you." they both laughed, drunk on the feeling of being this close, this happy; "You're the best thing that happened to me in a very long time."

Something shift drastically inside the airman after he heard that; it was like the weight of his past mistakes, his tough choices, all the pain his family had caused and every single bad thing about who he was and what he's done just… disappeared. He felt wanted, and accepted, and seen. Tears formed in his eyes while he launched forward to his man's arms. He lowered his head and inhale Kyle's perfume while the doctor held him tightly, keeping them both upright by himself, as Alex's stability had begun to wane after his third shot of whiskey and it completely disappeared after the first kiss Kyle stole from him.

They were interrupted again, obviously, but he barely had the time to glared at the man in the doorway because he was being pulled by his hand to the same direction, he followed easily while Kyle fake whispered; "Come on, let me show you off to all my coworkers." and he was happy to oblige.

Alex stepped out of the bathroom with a glowing doctor dragging him through the party, feeling lighter than he's ever felt, feeling like he finally belonged, like he was where he was supposed to be.

Thank God for that stupid and expensive party.

**Author's Note:**

> previous work: “we’re still a good team” and “this feels like closure”


End file.
